On spandex...
As a token overweight teenager, I've always felt that spandex was invented by some foreign power intent on ruining American society. Call me paranoid, but what other explanation can there be? Spandex is here to stay, though, that's obvious. The evil truth is this: the females of America have fallen right into the spandex trap, and we willingly pay lots of money for it and wear it. It's a perfect scheme: we feel we need it, we buy it, we wear it, we feel bad in it, we buy more, and the cycle of abuse continues. And as a person with a little junk in the trunk, let me also say for the record that if you have flab around your tummy that is equivalent to or greater than the circumference of your head, you have no business wearing spandex.
As a token overweight teenager, I've always felt that spandex was invented by some foreign power intent on ruining American society. Call me paranoid, but what other explanation can there be? Spandex is here to stay, though, that's obvious. The evil truth is this: the females of America have fallen right into the spandex trap, and we willingly pay lots of money for it and wear it. It's a perfect scheme: we feel we need it, we buy it, we wear it, we feel bad in it, we buy more, and the cycle of abuse continues. And as a person with a little junk in the trunk, let me also say for the record that if you have flab around your tummy that is equivalent to or greater than the circumference of your head, you have no business wearing spandex.
On her palm pilot...
People always tease me about my Palm Pilot, who I've named Wembley. Okay, so you're probably laughing. But I use it so much, it just seemed easier to give it a name. What I mostly hear from people is that it's weird for someone in high school to try and be as organized as I am. Sure, I can see that. But let me ask you this: when it comes time to organize taxes, test scores, and votes for Homecoming Queen, who do you want doing it: a bubble-headed person who counts on his or her fingers, or someone obsessed with numbers? I rest my case. Oh, and Wembley has a personality, in case you wondered. He's afraid of cats and likes to be kept in leather. It's less scratchy.
People always tease me about my Palm Pilot, who I've named Wembley. Okay, so you're probably laughing. But I use it so much, it just seemed easier to give it a name. What I mostly hear from people is that it's weird for someone in high school to try and be as organized as I am. Sure, I can see that. But let me ask you this: when it comes time to organize taxes, test scores, and votes for Homecoming Queen, who do you want doing it: a bubble-headed person who counts on his or her fingers, or someone obsessed with numbers? I rest my case. Oh, and Wembley has a personality, in case you wondered. He's afraid of cats and likes to be kept in leather. It's less scratchy.
On the Campaign for Calories Twinkie initiative...
I was in charge of collecting all the Twinkies that we sent to the modeling agency in Los Angeles. I carefully selected this agency based on a complicated scientific formula of model height in ratio to model body fat index, multiplied by the proximity in kilometers of the modeling agency to liposuction clinics. We shipped the Twinkies we collected to the agency, and I still haven't heard a word, but I have noticed that some of the girls in Vogue are starting to sport cellulite like it's this year's hot accessory. Fat is the new black in fashion design. We have changed the world.
I was in charge of collecting all the Twinkies that we sent to the modeling agency in Los Angeles. I carefully selected this agency based on a complicated scientific formula of model height in ratio to model body fat index, multiplied by the proximity in kilometers of the modeling agency to liposuction clinics. We shipped the Twinkies we collected to the agency, and I still haven't heard a word, but I have noticed that some of the girls in Vogue are starting to sport cellulite like it's this year's hot accessory. Fat is the new black in fashion design. We have changed the world.
Most Likely to Schedule:
Elisa is short, somewhat overweight, and always businesslike. With her
Palm Pilot (named Wembley) she is always ready to organize any event. She wears
her hair up and away from her face because it gets in the way. She's like an
executive in training, andher greatest achievement so far has been Twinkie
collection for the Campaign for Calories (a project designed to fatter up supermodels.)She’s a
bit jealous of Shelby, loves bowling, and drinks too many caffeinated beverages.
She’s also obsessed with Johnny Depp and pirates.
On a little-known but well-loved hobby...
Most people don't know it, but I love to country line dance. Please don't tell anyone. DXC rule!
Most people don't know it, but I love to country line dance. Please don't tell anyone. DXC rule!
Supermodel magazine...
This is to remind me why it is so vitally necessary that we try to eradicate unrealistic body expectations. These women look like a rack of ribs without the sauce! It makes me so mad…I mean, why does beauty have to be measured by how little of you there is? More is better, in candy and in women.
This is to remind me why it is so vitally necessary that we try to eradicate unrealistic body expectations. These women look like a rack of ribs without the sauce! It makes me so mad…I mean, why does beauty have to be measured by how little of you there is? More is better, in candy and in women.
Office Space...
A movie about cubicle dwellers. I don’t have a cubicle yet, but I’m hoping. The boss in this movie is hilarious, and reminds me of my math teacher. They have this great scheme about stealing money from the company, which I don’t think is a wise idea, but I love the scheming and trickery. Not that I’d do something like that, but I like a good scam.
A movie about cubicle dwellers. I don’t have a cubicle yet, but I’m hoping. The boss in this movie is hilarious, and reminds me of my math teacher. They have this great scheme about stealing money from the company, which I don’t think is a wise idea, but I love the scheming and trickery. Not that I’d do something like that, but I like a good scam.
Pirates of the Caribbean...
Johnny Depp! I love him! I am his, and he is mine! Even though his teeth are kind of scurvy and his hair has more lifeforms than a biology lab, I still think he is trés sexy. I have a secret desire to be a female pirate and to roam the Seven Seas in search of evidence of primitive office procedures.
Johnny Depp! I love him! I am his, and he is mine! Even though his teeth are kind of scurvy and his hair has more lifeforms than a biology lab, I still think he is trés sexy. I have a secret desire to be a female pirate and to roam the Seven Seas in search of evidence of primitive office procedures.
Dixie Chicks...
Cool country with attitude. I’m quite a good line dancer, actually, and if we could ever have a country music at school instead of that hideous hip-hop-hoop stuff, I could show off my moves. The Chicks say what they think, just like I do. Check out their song Not Ready to Make Nice. Story of my life!
Cool country with attitude. I’m quite a good line dancer, actually, and if we could ever have a country music at school instead of that hideous hip-hop-hoop stuff, I could show off my moves. The Chicks say what they think, just like I do. Check out their song Not Ready to Make Nice. Story of my life!
Wembley, the Palm Pilot...
Yes, I named him. People tease me about it all the time, and I don’t care. He is my partner in crime, my scheduler, my helpmate, and, second only to Johnny Depp, the most important person in my life.
Yes, I named him. People tease me about it all the time, and I don’t care. He is my partner in crime, my scheduler, my helpmate, and, second only to Johnny Depp, the most important person in my life.
Class schedule...
I have it cross-referenced and indexed, coordinating my own schedule with those of Amber, Shelby, and Becca, and cross-referencing those with our various meeting dates and times.
I have it cross-referenced and indexed, coordinating my own schedule with those of Amber, Shelby, and Becca, and cross-referencing those with our various meeting dates and times.
Martian stress buster...
I love this little guy. Whenever I feel especially tense or angry (which is often: let’s face it, people can be extreme butt-heads), I just squeeze his little round tummy and his ears pop out! It’s exactly how I feel a lot of the time!
I love this little guy. Whenever I feel especially tense or angry (which is often: let’s face it, people can be extreme butt-heads), I just squeeze his little round tummy and his ears pop out! It’s exactly how I feel a lot of the time!
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